Gestational Grief in times of pandemic

Grieving your baby in the middle of the pandemic

April, 2020

Grieving your baby under any circumstances represents a big challenge in every level, but what happens when added factors like the COVID-19 pandemic are changing our lives?
I specifically talk to you Madres Fenix who have escorted your baby to eternity and are still grieving your loss, either it is recent or not. Feel accompanied, remember this space was designed especially for you where your voices and your loss is seen, attended and respected.
My proposal is to face your grieving through this times taking into consideration the following:

Feel protected

As Madres Fenix we know our babies are protecting us from eternity but also here by our side, at every moment. It is our time to trust that beyond what we can see there is an active participation, real, happening in this very instant where you are being guarded, guided and protected by your master being, the one who chose you to be his or her mother for eternity. Trust your baby, surrender to your love for the way you looked after him or her in this dimension, you will be gently cared for and even more. Imagine the roles have been swapped, now there is someone looking after you at every moment of the day like your mother would do, that someone is your baby. Trust in his or her loving protection, you can count on your eternal ally.

Activities for grieving moms

These moments at home in silence, of recollection of oneself, of meditation, are a great opportunity for you to do some exercises to connect with that vision of love and serenity regarding your baby’s story. You will find some proposals here that may sound a little odd at first but I assure you they will help you in the transformation process of becoming a Madre Fenix.

  • Eternal friends: Pick a comfortable notebook to write on, you can decorate it for it will be yours and your baby’s. In this special notebook you will write everything you want to tell your baby and even more, you can write about how you feel, your thoughts, your fears and questions, ideas, teachings, stories, secrets and everything you need to put down in this loving space or yours. You can also add pictures, stickers, messages, flowers, memories, everything is allowed. This is a great treasure you’ll be able to read whenever you want to, it is a shared diary between two soul friends. Have you ever heard about scrapbooking?
  • Visualization: Find a comfortable and silent place where you can sit calmly. Close your eyes fell your maternal love that lives forever in your heart, from this place start drawing your baby’s face in your mind, him or her little face will appear too if you didn’t get the chance to see your baby. Imagine a beautiful and peaceful place where you and your baby exist in eternity floating in pink and golden clouds supported by your love, in that very place where your reencounter will happen. Once there you can open your heart and express yourself for there are no judgments or rules, there is only infinite love, acceptance, freedom. Allow yourself this experience, your and your baby’s.
  • Read: Along my grief I found several books that helped me transform my vision into a deepest, intense, meaningful experience. I highly recommend the Francesco series by Yohanna García, a true beauty at every level regarding life and death, love and life. You can buy it online or the physical books if you prefer, it will be a great gift for your soul in this moment.
  • Say thank you: Now you have the time of becoming aware of the gifts and lessons your baby has granted you and especially, to feel thankful for it. You can do it in your notebook or maybe by keeping an electronic registry in your smartphone or tablet where you can write down every time a blessing reveals to you. “Thank you for turning me into a mother for eternity”. The more you thank, the more you transform your vision. For the highest and the lowest, say thank you.

Insight quarantine

Free time and a lack of occupation invite us to ruminate, if this term doesn’t sound familiar to you it refers to the moment an animal is chewing the same food once and again, just like humans do while processing the same thoughts over and over. We repeatedly and obsessively review and develop the same ideas, most of them negative and sad ones regarding your baby. Have you been feeling sadder along quarantine or while staying at home? This could be the reason and it’s important to attend it and work on it, distract your mind, good news is you have many ways to do this. Even you are making home office or not, there are a lot of activities that doesn’t require going out and that keep you mind active and focused in other things. This is not about avoiding pain or sadness, it is legitimate to feel these emotions during your grief, it’s about the opportunity to stop ruminating and stop looking at this gray perpective. According to your personality, investigate some activities to do at home, you will surely find more than one.

Here and now

Here is another option to stop ruminating but also, to be aware of everything that exists in this very moment. Since you have decided on your quarantine activities, try to get into them with full atenttion in the moment, what I mean is that if you decided to cook then you have to concentrate in each flavor, aroma, sensation, in everything that is happening during your activity and what is going on around you. Especially during your grief, it is healing and liberating to adopt this lifestyle that even when it may be difficult to do it all the dime, it is a good way to appreciatte life in the present, in this moment. The past is not happening any mora, what brings you suffering is the thought you mantain around the past, you baby’s story. Breathe here and now where you are free and while you are doing your activity, do it with you in it. If you want more information on full attention or mindfullness you can read thousand of articles through the internet, Pinterest, Youtube or ebooks that will teach you about this fascinating topic.

The pandemic, as everything in life, shall pass. Use this time to work on your grief, to connect with your baby, with your special maternity. It is you choice to become stronger and transform into a Madre Fenix.

If you feel like talking more about this topic feel free to contact me anytime!

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